when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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