She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
