his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
