Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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