allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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