i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
