I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
