At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
