I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
