my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
