Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
