The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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