u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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