How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
