if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
