you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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