My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize