More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
