i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
