I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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