I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
