so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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