just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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