Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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