I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
