i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
