I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
