she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
