My friends, they love my intelligence
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
