Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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