I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
