please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't deserve a penis
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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