How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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