we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
