Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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