So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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