I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
