before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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