I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
