I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
