Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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