I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I would fuck him just for his dog
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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