I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
worst night to have a conscience
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
