i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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