maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
