I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm bleeding and have questions
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
