my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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