How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
