i wish my penis had a tongue
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
my liver is dry heaving
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
