you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
