make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
