Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize