i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
