i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize