You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
