I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
