i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
