dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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