ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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