I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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