Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
