I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
