My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize