They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
