You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
