News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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