Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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