i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
