hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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