My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
