Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
