my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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