Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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