as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
