Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
