I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
