so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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