I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
