I looked at my own cervix.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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