Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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