Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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