the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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