what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
