she was so not down for the gang bang
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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