I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
