By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
