ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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