she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
