your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You work out of a Hotel?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
