there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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