Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
