This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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