My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
