Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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