I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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